Wormhole Shatner
by geekfrog
Summary: Ford, Arthur & company get a visit from our friend William. Another Product-of-An-Overly-Creative-Mind (TM) by yours truly.
1. Enter William

TITLE: "Wormhole Shatner"  
RATING: Two wombats and a sharpened pencil.  
WARNING: Title makes absolutely no sense whatsoever  
AUTHOR: geekfrog  
CO-AUTHOR(s): My muses. They tied me up and made me write this at gunpoint. I had no part in it. Honestly.   
  
****  
  
Looky! It's another hhgttg fic! By me! "Inconceivable!"  
  
This one's a Star Trek crossover...with a slight twist. I kinda took advantage of the fact that "freak wormholes" happen quite often in the hhgttg universe. A fun little story.  
  
I'd like to know what you think. Did you love it? Hate it? Hate to love it? Love to hate it? Would you sooner hate your pet goldfish?  
  
The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy, and all characters, ideas, and everything else are copyright (c) Douglas Adams. Star Trek is copyright (c) Paramount Pictures, ltd. This is done purely for my (and hopefully your) own entertainment, and no infringement of either copyright is intended.  
  
This Fic is dedicated to Douglas Adams and Gene Roddenberry. *respectful silence*  
  
****  
  
CHAPTER ONE  
  
Ford Glanced at the Veiwscreen, set into the gleaming white curved wall of the Heart of Gold. The starship was, at the moment, in an orbit around a planet all of them hadn't cared to glance at--Eddie had been acting particularly annoying lately--and they were relaxing. Zaphod was off in his cabin, drinking, and Arthur was...  
  
"Arthur, what are you doing?"  
  
"Watching 'Star Trek.'"  
  
Ford gave him a confused look. "What's that?"  
  
"An Earth television program."  
  
At that point, a self-satisfied hum drifted from the door in the corner of the room as Zaphod entered. he was quite obviously drunk, and he staggered slightly as he walked, in a not entirely straight line, towards them.  
  
"It went, um, foom..." said Zaphod.  
  
"Foom?" Said Ford and Arthur.  
  
"Yeah. Er, Foom...out of this uh... really amazing...little...uh...uh..."  
  
"Wormhole?" Asked Ford.  
  
"Yeah. That's it..." Zaphod added: "It was really cool."  
  
"I don't think a wormhole would go 'foom,' would it?" Said Arthur, puzzled.  
  
"Shut up, Arthur," Ford said.  
  
"Anyways, so the monkey," Arthur opened his mouth to protest, but ford quieted him. Zaphod continued, "wanted...er...to...to...do...see...er, yes. I don't get it, myself."  
  
"Oh. Well, let's see it. Got nothing else to do, anyways," said Ford.  
  
"Yeah let's...do...see...what he said," said a very sloshed Zaphod Beeblebrox.  
  
Before arthur could start the video again, there was a flash of bright light, and a familiar looking person materialized in the room, right in front of Arthur, Zaphod, and Ford. William Shatner, aka TV's James Tiberus Kirk, was standing mere feet away from Arthur, in Kirk's uniform and holding a prop tricoder , and, at the moment, completely unaware, for the moment, that he was countless miles away from the now-disintegrated Earth, or even that he wasn't standing in the studio anymore.   
  
"Mr. Scott...Ge--" His voice faltered as he stared around at his new surroundings, "Where the hell am I?"  
  
to be (possibly) continued... 


	2. Where am I?

WORMHOLE SHATNER  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
****  
  
Zaphod didn't see any reason to be careful about the subject. "A...starship."  
  
William slouched into a convenient chair beside the Telivision.   
  
*This is probably an elaborate prank,* he thought, *But that guy with the three arms and two heads...he looks drunk.* as he stared, his second head, which was previously sleeping, yawned widely. He slumped back in his chair, unable to tear his eyes away from the strange two-headed man.   
  
"What, I'm on the Enterprise or something?" He smiled weakly, but only Arthur laughed. Ford stared, and Zaphod, showing surprising strength, lifted him up with two of his arms by his uniform, and pointed accusingly at him with the third. It was quite a sight to behold.  
  
"Hey...what..." Zaphod hiccoughed. "You shouldn't...that's top secret! You could get yourself...arrested for that." All the time he was smiling like a maniac. His other head had fallen back asleep.  
  
William was beginning to choke. "It's my...ship...in a telivision program...I act in it."  
  
Zaphod let him down. He staggered slightly. "Star Trek? Oh...god..."  
  
Arthur, who had been in shock, spoke up suddenly. "Zaphod, what did the movie come in?"  
  
Zaphod looked puzzled. "Some silver discs, with writing on them, something about original...production? Something like that."  
  
"I think I know what's wrong...the reels came from the studio, where Mr. Shatner--"  
  
"Please, call me William..." the actor said, still confused as to why he was here. *These guys seem not to be joking. My god, am I really out in space?*  
  
"--where William was also. He probably got sent through the wormhole along with him."  
  
William laughed despite himself. When everybody stared at him in bewilderment, his smile faded. "Come on, you guys can let me out of here. It's been fun and all, but I really have some work to do...If you could get me back to the studio, I'd appreciate it."  
  
Ford rolled his eyes. "You don't get it do you? We're in space."  
  
"No, seriously."  
  
"I mean it."  
  
Will looked around appraisingly at Zaphod and Arthur "He's kidding right?" He looked back at Ford. "You're kidding right?"  
  
"No!" Said Ford and Arthur.  
  
"...no..." said Zaphod, a few moments later.  
  
William decided that the best way to get through the situation was to have a sense of humor about it. "So, you have a big veiwscreen somewhere that shows you the outside?"   
  
"Not exactly..." said Ford.  
  
"How do I see outside then?"  
  
"You ask the computer. But--"  
  
"So, I just say 'computer?'"  
  
Everybody groaned as the familiar unbearably perky voice filled the white-walled room. "Hello, guys! Boy, it's sure been a long time since you've talked to me! Have you thought about that?" The computer, as it often did, abruptly jumped to a completely different topic. "Guys, I'm sensing another life-form aboard!"  
  
"We know that!" Yelled Ford.  
  
The computer sounded slightly put off. "What was it you wanted?"  
  
Ford spoke before Will could open his mouth. "Our visitor her wants to know where we are."  
  
"Sure thing guys! We're in space right now, currently in orbit around the green planet Gragfajar...are we going to go exploring, guys? That'd be fun, wouldn't it? I'm sure it would be something we could all Share and Enjoy...Share and Enjoy!"  
  
Everybody groaned a little louder. Shatner, however, seemed to be very interested. "Computer, how far are we away from the Earth?" He still didn't beleive that this was real, but felt now that the best thing to do would be to play along.  
  
"From those coordinates, we are...let's see...we are approximately nine hundred and ninety nine trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion..."  
  
A moment and a dozen more trillions later, the computer was still talking.   
  
"Way to go, new guy," said Ford, from between his hands. 


End file.
